“You’ll find your husband as soon as you stop looking for him.”

“You can’t wait around for your knight in shining armor to ride up. You have to actively search for him.”

“Just be yourself. Let him see the real you.”

“Make sure you always look your best. Men don’t like ungroomed girls. And always laugh at everything he says, even if it isn’t funny.”

“Have you tried an online dating site? That’s how my ___ met her husband.”

“Online dating sites are homes for creeps and perverts. You’re better off alone than with someone you meet online.”

“If a man is interested in you, he will make the first move.”

“This is the Twenty-first Century! Women can ask men out.”

“You’re just not putting yourself ‘out there’ enough. Guys don’t know you’re available.”

“You’re too forward. No guy likes a pushy girl.”

“When you see a man you’re interested in, make eye contact for a couple seconds, then quickly look away so he doesn’t find you too forward, but then make sure you look back again so he knows you’re still interested. Then smile, but not too broadly, so you don’t scare him with too many teeth. Then play with your hair or tilt your head and wait for him to come over. Don’t go over to him! Repeat: don’t go over to him! You need him to think this was his idea all along. See? It’s easy as can be!”

“Why do you want a husband? Men are nothing but trouble! Enjoy being single as long as you can. Now excuse me, I’ve got to get home. My husband is making dinner tonight.”

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